Annoyed Bex

5 Surefire Ways to Incur the Wrath of the BlogSquad

The BlogSquad 
/bläɡ/skwäd/
noun

(1) A term coined by my bestie Calvin at #SFS15 to describe the collective of badass babes of all genders who write about sex on the internet.

I have never felt more at home than I have with the Blogsquad. They are my chosen family and my best friends and the some of the raddest revolutionaries I know- but sometimes, sex toy companies seem to want to quickly and easily enrage as many influencers in a community as possible. Today, I’ve partnered with EdenFantasys to teach you how to do just that.

1) Tell Everyone How Revolutionary You Are

We're Gonna Be Rich!

Sure, the sex industry has been around forever, but that can’t possibly mean you weren’t the first to come up with the idea you have, so don’t even bother Googling it. Just include a cute story about the first time you were exposed to sex toys, and how you decided that something needed to change. Be sure to really hammer home that you’re different because you’re for women, or that your product has completely new scientifically proven technology. Throw in some charts. Bitches love charts.

2) Completely Disregard Education

Can't Handle the Truth

Toxic toys? Porous toys? Carry as many as you can- but make sure not to warn people of the dangers of questionable materials. Better yet, why even accurately represent materials at all? Just pick some names out of a hat throw them on your product pages. No one reads those things anyway.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, take a look at your section for anal toys, see all those pesky flared bases? Skip ’em! Include some traditional slimline vibes in that section, bloggers will be tripping over themselves to scream about the possibility letting a toy loose in your colon! Aren’t they just adorable!

Finally, don’t ever forget that the culture has pre-built a TON of sexual narratives that you can play right into, you don’t even have to do the work! Compare sex toys for people with vulvas to “her man” or call it a “girl’s best friend”.  Oh! But be careful to never use the word vulva, sex bloggers love accurate terminology, might as well just call all of it the vagina. It’s close enough. Better yet, use phrases like “sensitive spot”, “pucker hole”, and “the big ‘O'”.

3) Gender EVERYTHING

gender

We are talking about sex after all, so be sure to make it clear exactly who should be using each of your toys. Sort the vibrators over with the other toys for ladies and name the masturbation sleeves something cute like Toys for Boys. Butt toys are tricky, we’ve found it’s best to just fall back on the classics, give the pink butt plugs to the girls and the black ones for boys. Girls love pink!

Make sure you don’t forget about the gays! Have a section for them so that lesbians know where to find their double ended toys and gay men can find the dildos for their butt. Because we all know that the toys you use say everything about your sexuality.

4) Don’t Treat This Like a Business

Let Me Seduce You Gif

This IS the sex industry after all, no need to be professional! Go ahead and say whatever you want on social media, make some edgy jokes to get people’s attention. So what if people call you tasteless, bigoted, or problematic, they just don’t have a sense of humor!

Feel free to hit on your customers, some of them are at their most vulnerable when they come to you and it will make them feel extra safe to know you find them super sexy.

5) Undervalue. Undervalue. Undervalue.

You Suck

Bloggers know their opinions matter, they know they have large fanbases that they can influence and that they do a lot of work that is valuable, unfortunately this makes them think that they should be getting paid for their work. When you reach out to them make sure to emphasize the value of the exposure they could get from working with you. Better yet, offer them free content to promote, or if you’re really good, just convince them why you’re interesting enough to feature for free. Their fame will skyrocket just by association!

This post is sponsored by EdenFantasys.

About Bex

Bex talks about sex, a lot, and feels this is the only way to reduce the stigma and lack of education surrounding it. When they're not trying to save the world, talking about sex to strangers, typing frantically, or sticking things in various holes they are usually indulging the other facets of their geekery.

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