Personal Essays

Changing What You Love: On Considering Hormones While You’re Non-Binary

Bex Cover Image

As I write this there’s a small packet of paper on the desk next to me. Three double sided pages, delicately stapled together. Across the top it reads: Patient Information for Informed Consent TESTOSTERONE FOR TRANSGENDER CLIENTS Three double-sided pages. As if that’s all I’ll need. It’s been sitting there for about a month now, ever since I walked into a NYC trans health clinic and told the doctor I was interested in exploring hormone ... Read More »

It Took Me Six Years To Learn To Masturbate

Carter and Wish

I don’t remember when the first time I discovered what masturbation was, but I know that I was aware of the concept long before the practice. I don’t have any stories of four year old Bex being scolded for slipping their hands into their pants at Thanksgiving dinner, or a tale of twelve year old me getting intimately acquainted with the jets in a hot tub. I don’t even remember the first time someone told ... Read More »

What Couples Toys Taught Me About Sex Positivity

Couple's Toys

Here’s the thing about working in a sex shop, you are asked the exact same questions, all day, every day. Here’s the thing about being asked the exact same questions, all day, every day, you get pretty damn good at answering them. Unfortunately, one of the most common questions I am asked is still one of the hardest for me to answer. Not because it’s actually a difficult question, but because it requires me to ... Read More »

Why Do I Love Sucking Cock?

Cock Sucking

I was 8 when I finally asked my mom the question, oh, you know the one. We were sitting in the front seat of her secondhand Ford sedan and I could no longer settle for “inside the mommy’s belly,” I wanted to know where babies came from. “Well, so…” she began hesitantly “inside the Mommy’s tummy is something called an egg, and inside the Daddy’s penis is something called sperm and…”1 At this point my little brain is ... Read More »

What’s that Word?

Horny

We need more words for horny, more words to describe the complexity of the cravings that can inhabit my body. Horny feels juvenile and crass, while aroused feels clinical. Turned on? Libidinous? I suppose, but where is the specificity in that? The nuance? What’s the word for when you desperately need to be touched? When your every nerve ending is tingling and you can feel the heat of the bodies around you. When someone could tease ... Read More »

Talk Flirty to Me

Cropped Flirt Fetish

I have jerked off to flirty banter alone. Not like, sexting with a cute human and getting myself off in the process. Not even just remembering that flirty moment where a cute human said something clever and I for once was sure that they were actually definitely into me. Well, I mean, I’ve done those things too. No, I mean I regularly lay in my bed imagining a conversation that never happened with a person who ... Read More »

A Pup and Their Pure Plug

Pure Plug and New Bottoming Book

The first time my Sir punished me was also the first time I wore the Njoy Pure Plug out of the house. In the past I’d worn other plugs in public, mostly the Bootie, occasionally the Tantus Juice, but every time I tried my large Pure Plug it just felt, well, large. It was so substantial and heavy that the thought of wearing it for any length of time was intimidating. It was two days ... Read More »

Three Days

Are You Okay?

[TW: Passing mentions of self-harm and food things] Tuesday night I was supposed to play a game. “What if you had to have an orgasm for every blue state win?” my sir proposed, and I giggled with glee. The first thing he had said to me that morning was “Make sure you vote today, pup” and our shared enthusiasm about this election had me bursting with affection for him. I wanted to hug him. I ... Read More »

Sex Down South AKA Hi! Did You Know I’m Submissive?

Sex Down South isn’t a kink event per-say, and yet at times, this year’s felt like an entire event dedicated to my submission. I was a demo bottom, learned skills and theories that seemed perfectly tailored to my brand of submission, swapped tips with a submissive friend of mine, and spent so much time talking with my Sir that it almost felt like he was there. It all started with a 3 hour bus ride to ... Read More »

#BirthdayBruises- Adventures in Exhibitionistic Masochism

#BirthdayBruises

I have the best friends. Like seriously, the BEST friends. The kinds of friends that, when I say “Hey, want to come beat me up for my birthday? And maybe put it on the internet?” The answer I receive is an overwhelming, enthusiastic, HELL YES. Perhaps that needs some more explination? On September the 15th I turned 25, and as part of my celebration my best friend and I threw a spanking party. As you ... Read More »