Personal Essays

What I Really Hear When You Misgender Me And What You Should Say When You Do

Here I was thinking we could have a nice, simple post go up this week, maybe I’d finally get around to reviewing my current favorite dick, but then some people decided to be shitheads and now I guess we’re talking about gender again. I’m not going to unpack all of the terrible things that were said on the Savage Lovecast this week, and why they were awful. You can read the transcript, and the 280 …

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Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? On Transness and Feeling Desirable During Transition

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am

Being trans is hard. Exploring my gender has been a hell of an adventure, and now that I’m finding myself most comfortable on the masculine side of the spectrum, I’m starting to see how my gender impacts my relationships and sexuality. I’m still primarily attracted to masculine of center folks, except now, instead of pursuing them as a femme presenting person, I’m presenting as masculine myself. I went from being perceived as a woman, and being …

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Femmes, Fear, and Gender: What Exploring My Gender Taught Me About My Sexuality

Femmes, Fear, and Gender

I was 12 years old when I met this gorgeous girl with silky red hair and I thought “Wow… she is BEAUTIFUL! I… I want to be her best friend…” Later that night, in the tent we built in the middle of the living room, she fell asleep with her head resting on my side, and it wasn’t until many years later that I realized the warmth I felt in the pit of my stomach …

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Killing Me Softly: Serial Killers, Dominance, and My Scariest Kink

[Happy Friday the 13th Y’all! It’s barely been fall around NYC so far this month so today is the first day I’m really getting into the spooky season and I wanted to celebrate with a particularly… festive post. That said, this post deals with some intense and scary topics, it sexualizes killers, and explores things that that my kink brain loves but that make the rest of my brain (understandably) outraged. Here’s your content note …

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The Nipple Paradox

“Yea, I never really bother to think about why I’m into what I am, all that really matters is that I’m hungry, and I need to find someone who wants to make a sandwich.” Once upon a time, a newbie dominant said those words to me while I was in the middle of one of my (frequent) explorations into why my kinks appeal to me the way they do. I furrowed my eyebrows thoughtfully “I… …

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Twelve Things I Learned At #SFS17 (While I Wasn’t In Workshops)

If you’re even tangentially a part of the sex positive community you’ve seen a lot of talk of the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit lately, or #SFS17 as it’s known on Twitter. For those not in the know, Woodhull is a sexuality and activism conference in DC that has become one of the foremost gatherings for queer and sex positive folx over the last few years. I’ve been attending the summit for the last four years1 …

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Changing What You Love: On Considering Hormones While You’re Non-Binary

Bex Cover Image

As I write this there’s a small packet of paper on the desk next to me. Three double sided pages, delicately stapled together. Across the top it reads: Patient Information for Informed Consent TESTOSTERONE FOR TRANSGENDER CLIENTS Three double-sided pages. As if that’s all I’ll need. It’s been sitting there for about a month now, ever since I walked into a NYC trans health clinic and told the doctor I was interested in exploring hormone …

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It Took Me Six Years To Learn To Masturbate

Carter and Wish

I don’t remember when the first time I discovered what masturbation was, but I know that I was aware of the concept long before the practice. I don’t have any stories of four year old Bex being scolded for slipping their hands into their pants at Thanksgiving dinner, or a tale of twelve year old me getting intimately acquainted with the jets in a hot tub. I don’t even remember the first time someone told …

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What Couples Toys Taught Me About Sex Positivity

Couple's Toys

Here’s the thing about working in a sex shop, you are asked the exact same questions, all day, every day. Here’s the thing about being asked the exact same questions, all day, every day, you get pretty damn good at answering them. Unfortunately, one of the most common questions I am asked is still one of the hardest for me to answer. Not because it’s actually a difficult question, but because it requires me to …

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Why Do I Love Sucking Cock?

Cock Sucking

I was 8 when I finally asked my mom the question, oh, you know the one. We were sitting in the front seat of her secondhand Ford sedan and I could no longer settle for “inside the mommy’s belly,” I wanted to know where babies came from. “Well, so…” she began hesitantly “inside the Mommy’s tummy is something called an egg, and inside the Daddy’s penis is something called sperm and…”1 At this point my little brain is …

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