Dominant Dalliances

Dominant Dalliances Exploring Power, Control, and What I Find Hot About Dominance

I’ve always known I was kinky, before I was fantasizing about sex I was fantasizing about power. I’d lay in my Looney Toons tent and imagine fighting and grappling, elaborate manhunts, being overpowered or, against all odds, taking control. Once I began to explore the world of kink I, like many newbies, identified as a submissive. It was easier, I figured. Beginner submission requires less skills than dominance,1 and it seemed to come naturally. I like pleasing people, I like serving them, I like receiving sensation and penetration, I like being overpowered. Occasionally I’d feel that urge to take control, but I’d chalk that up to my bratty nature.

I never wanted to hurt people, I had little interest in impact or sensation topping. Rope was only interesting in that it is a skill that is cool to show off, it’s an easy way to get attention in the scene, but I wasn’t passionate about it. Thus, I concluded, I wasn’t interested in being dominant.

What I was ignoring was that urge to take control. The desire to overpower someone with stimulation, watch them squirm underneath me. To say the whatever cruel quips I think of and know  that they’re loving every second of it. To watch someone leap to do as I say, to know they’re working so hard to earn my attention. To nurture and care for, to spoil. To get inside someone’s head. To break something pretty.

I craved dominance, and not surprisingly, I craved the kind of dominance that I loved submitting to, but somehow, it had never occurred to me that I could be dominant without topping all the time. That dominance in me can be as psychological in the same way I like it to be with my partners.  This past year I’ve developed a lot of linguistic precision around the kind of submission I enjoy, and I want to begin to do the same for my dominance and so the past couple of weeks, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what my dominance might look like.

Power Bottom

The collar around your neck is attached to length of leather, which is then wrapped tight around my hand. One sharp tug pulls you closer to me, my legs closing around your waist, “Daddy needs to use this” I say, as my lube covered hand closes around your cock. I haven’t bothered to warm it and I see you flinch at the cold gel but I don’t care, this isn’t about you. I lift my hips and pull you closer as I feel you push into me. “Look at me” I bark “Don’t you dare come, until I’m finished with you.” and I see concern knit your brow. This isn’t going to be easy.

All the power and none of the work. I love receiving penetration and having someone trained to top exactly how I like would be supremely convenient. What’s interesting to me is that I’ve BEEN a submissive top before, but somehow it wasn’t till recently that I started fantasizing about being a dominant bottom. I imagine watching my submissive unravel, struggling to keep composure while still being expected to play. I like the power that comes with the luxury of time, this will go on for as long or as short as I’d like, and my whole job is just to enjoy it.


Work has been particularly stressful lately, so you come home to dinner on the stove and your favorite cookies cooling on the rack. I help you answer a few time sensitive emails and then instruct you to set an out of office reply for the rest of the evening. We watch the kind of TV that we’ve seen a million times (and would gladly see a million more) and you lay with your head in my lap and my hand heavy on your chest, holding you close, keeping you safe. As the sky grows dark outside our window, my hand slips lower on your body, under the blanket covering your legs, teasing the waistband of your sweatpants. Now Daddy needs you to help him with something, little one. 

Caring for someone else is the easiest way to put my own concerns aside, it makes me feel competent and in control. There’s nothing more satisfying than watching the stress melt away from someone you care about, or having them come to you knowing you can help. I also love the corruption of innocence and paternal “for your own good” energy that can come with Daddy/little play.


You’re trapped in the hard wooden chair, restrained not by the thick leather cuffs you had seen hanging on the wall, but instead held there by nothing but words. “Don’t move, or I’ll stop.” I had whispered in your ear before sliding to my knees and wrapping my mouth around you, and if one thing was for sure it was that you didn’t want me to stop. You never wanted me to stop. In fact, you’d do pretty much anything to keep me from stopping.

Your hand slides forward to tangle in my hair, your hips push forward, your eyes lock with mine, and with that one little movement, something changes. You don’t just want more, you need it, and you’re going to take it. You stand and push me back against the counter behind us, hands roaming over my body. This is your game now.

Being the subject of an out of control desire isn’t an uncommon fantasy, and I love it from both sides of the slash. I could be the submissive, luring someone over to ravish me, or the dominant ensnaring some poor bait in my trap. I just love the thought of desire so big and all consuming that it can’t be controlled. I am also into being a literal Inccubus, so like, bring  me your black eyes and demon role-plays.


You’re on your knees, my fingers are gripped tight in your hair, pulling your head to the side, and my cock is inches from your lips. Your tears fall onto spit covered cheeks and your breath is heavy, you’ve been pushed to your limit while I use you like my little sex doll, but all I can see is adoration in your eyes. Before you know whats happening, the open palm of my other hand connects with your cheek. It wasn’t a hard slap, but it was fast, not meant to hurt but to ensure your attention. I definitely have your attention.

It’s not often my dominance manifests as anything I’d consider aggressive, but sometimes I really do just want to completely overpower someone. To own them, to push them to their limits, to break them and pull them back together. I want to see their power in their suffering, and I want to feel strong. Physical pain isn’t my torture of choice, I’d rather own someone’s mind than their body, but sometimes, bodies can be pretty fun to use too.

Many thanks to OV Doll for partnering with me on this post, as always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
  1. Though, submission is absolutely a skill in itself. []

About Bex

Bex talks about sex, a lot, and feels this is the only way to reduce the stigma and lack of education surrounding it. When they're not trying to save the world, talking about sex to strangers, typing frantically, or sticking things in various holes they are usually indulging the other facets of their geekery.

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